Whether you’re married or not, the Honeymoon stage of a relationship doesn’t last forever. This is why underlying sex problems need to be resolved sooner rather than later. So they don’t ruin your marriage.
Sex problems including erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation and being unable to achieve orgasm generally don’t go away by themselves. Unresolved sex problems can be a source of ongoing anxiety and stress and may result in ruining your marriage. If you’re not yet married they will create instability, doubt and insecurities about the future direction of the relationship!
While most experts will tell you that medical issues are the cause of these sexual “malfunctions” most of the time it is simply a misdirection of one’s attention. This causes the brain to become confused as to what the person actually wants. While most people think that sex “just happens” in reality our brain requires a sequential combination of “messages” which then triggers blood flow, hormonal responses and the relevant muscle programs.
When the wrong messages are given to the brain then the brain cannot respond with the wanted program and the resulting chaos (known as sexual dysfunctions) occurs. These problems can be caused by mental, emotional or physical distractions or any other mental contamination. The resulting disappointment causes anxiety and mental duress to all concerned!
Imagining the Worst Scenarios
It’s interesting to note that we’re not taught a complete start to end procedure for sex (for either gender) and therefore we don’t understand the order in which the sexual programs must work. Because of this lack of relevant knowledge we often come to the conclusion that these sex problems are happening for an entirely different reason. Many men and women imagine that they are in some way deficient as a human being and therefore incapable of being able to enjoy normal sex. For others, it’s a torturous turmoil of imagined realities as they try to figure out the reason behind their partner’s sexual dysfunction.
It’s common for men to lose erection hardness during foreplay. This usually happens when he is putting too much of his attention on his partner’s fulfillment. However, from her uninformed perspective she imagines he is no longer attracted to her, doesn’t love her – or worse, is having an affair!
Many relationships are affected and then fail due to imagined scenarios which just aren’t true. This is caused in part by resisting the related emotional responses which then contribute to increasing resentment, tension, anxiety and fear caused by an ongoing cycle of unwanted thoughts.
Emotional and Sexual Withdrawal
When we don’t know how to cope with an unwanted sexual dysfunction we have a tendency to withdraw emotionally as we try to figure it out. Many men will watch porn instead of having sex with their partner because they’re afraid of failing. A woman who is constantly unable to achieve orgasm can lose her desire for sex as she struggles to not judge herself as being sexually deficient.
A woman will frequently refrain from initiating sex so she doesn’t put pressure on her partner, whereas in reality, her apparent lack of interest increases his burden and performance anxiety. All of these problems result in declining libidos when sex appears to be too difficult and emotionally taxing for either or both partners.
If you or your spouse or fiancee are suffering from sex problems it’s better to take action sooner rather than later so it doesn’t ruin your marriage. Regardless of whether they occur intermittently or are an ongoing source of anxiety and stress, please understand that the real deficiency is a lack of relevant knowledge of correct sexual technique. This can be easily learned and the related problems immediately solved. With this advanced knowledge, you will be able to transform an ailing sex life into a mutually fulfilling sex life where both partners are able to feel relaxed, happy, confident and connected. This will set your marriage up for life.